There’s a lot you need to do when going through a divorce or de facto separation, especially if there are children or major assets involved (for a list of what to consider, visit our blog about it here). However, there are also a lot of things you should NOT do when going through a divorce or separation, otherwise it could highly alter the outcome of the matter.
Here is a list of our top five things to avoid:
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Posting on social media
Whether it’s a happy post or an ‘I hate my ex’ type of post, we recommend that you steer well away from social media while your divorce or de facto separation is being finalised. Sure it may be one of the fastest ways to frustrate your ex-partner, but it can have detrimental effects on your case. It doesn’t matter if it’s a hate post, an ‘I’ve finally found true love’ post, a ‘Hitting the town with my friends’ post, or ‘Day trip with the kids’ post, we recommend steering clear of it all so the other party has nothing that could possibly be used against you.
2. Trying to do the negotiations with your ex-partner on your own
You’re ending the relationship for a reason, and sometimes lack of trust can form the basis of the ending. To negotiate directly with an ex-partner that you don’t trust about assets and children and all the other things that come with a separation is counterproductive. Plus there are many things to consider when separating lives and without the help of a professional, crucial aspects could be missed.
3. Getting your children involved
All children have a right to a happy and healthy relationship with all of their parents, whether the parents are still in a relationship or not. Involving the children can take many forms, such as manipulating them to live with you over their other parent or using them to relay messages between you and your ex-partner. This can have heartbreaking effects on a child in both the short and long term, and the children’s best interests should be the main concern for every parent (and it’s what the Court will consider too)! If communication between you and your ex is lacking, seek professional support instead.
4. Not prioritising your mental health
Life is going to change after a divorce or separation, there’s no way to sugar coat it. Whether you wanted it or not, things are going to look a little differently for you now, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Seeking professional support from a therapist is our best advice, as well as reaching out to friends and family, exercising, taking up a hobby, and doing things that make you feel like you. Most importantly, remember that it’s okay to cry and be sad and grieve the loss of your old life. Give yourself the time and support you need and deserve.
5. Comparing divorces
Divorce isn’t an off-the-shelf experience; it’s different for everyone. Your divorce experience will be different to your cousin’s, and your neighbour’s, and your friend’s. Every person is unique, therefore the ending of two unique individuals is even more…well, unique. People have different reasons for separation, assets, properties, children, so it’s going to be extra tough if you expect the outcome of your settlement to be the same as someone else’s. Find a lawyer that you trust and follow their advice.
